for every robb elementary there is another story, the story of lakeside Middle School
This is my story of the day my son and his friends were targeted by another student for committing the unthinkable by bringing a gun to school and shooting them. For every Robb Elementary School, there is another story the story of perseverance and the commitment to keeping our children safe. This is a preventable scenario, mass shootings in school will not be our new normal but rather every single individual’s fight to stop the senseless slaughter of children and their teachers. If the lawmakers have failed our children there are people who haven’t and they are our educators, AFT and NEA, and even the students themselves.
EVERY PARENTS WORST NIGHTMARE
In March 2019 I received a very sobering phone call. I was going about my usual day running errands when the principal of my son’s middle school called me and asked if I was available for a meeting in a half-hour. I’m a very intuitive person, “what’s wrong what did he do”, I immediately ask. I have always had a good relationship with all my son’s educators and school administrators. I hear a tone in his voice I have never heard before instantly alerting me, even though he assures me my son is fine and he is not in trouble, he states, “Parents are required by law to be a witness as law enforcement asks your child questions.” There is a brief moment of silence, and he briefly explains the situation. I hang up gain composure and call his father.
Arriving at the school there is this deafening silence stepping out of my car. On this particular afternoon, the grass is still brown from the winter and some piles of snow are leftover from yet another brutal northeastern winter. I feel the chill on my neck as I power walk to the front door. So many thoughts go through my mind but one remains, “please keep your composure.”
After showing my face to the camera system and stating my name and reason for being there through the intercom am I finally allowed to enter the school. The main office is right through the front doors as I peer through the glass I see my son waiting, he is silently sitting in a chair staring straight ahead.
His little face is angelic staring straight ahead, in that moment I think about how kind and caring he is. The time he noticed another child was left out and he walked over to him and invited the child to come along with the group of boys too. How he loves his animals and how he is known in his school for being the 8-year-old who started a youtube channel with over 100,000 views with thousands of followers. I don’t think about the sacrifice I made going through IVF treatments or when we lost his twin brother and sister in utero, or how he was born almost two months premature and the hours I sat by his incubator in the NICU. The only thing I see, what my eye sees, is my baby. I only see my son.
I give a little click with my key to the glass on the door so he will know I’ve arrived. As I open the door his little face looks up at me and I instantly hug him and pull him into a private office to the side and try to get some sort of understanding before our meeting. I hear the secretary say you can go in now they are waiting for you. I feel this weight in my body as I struggle to stand on my feet. This is one of those moments I could only compare to a slow-moving film, as I walk, every visual my eye comes in contact with becomes blurry almost abstract. Although I have been in this office dozens of times before today it is different, today it is about my Child’s well-being.
Entering the room I see it is packed with everyone and anyone. It is at that moment I knew this was going to be my greatest stand as a mother, I see the principal, superintendent, vice-principal three counselors an investigator, two police officers, and the principles assistant.
HOW I REALLY FELT, THE EMOTIONAL TWISTER
I do want to express that the fear in my soul was stiffening. My knees buckled. I was angry, sad, scared, I was freakin pissed but I held that all back. I needed to be composed. What I wanted to do was scream at everyone even the kids involved even the child at the center of all this. I wanted to shake him uncontrollably and say what are you all fucking thinking! I do not want anyone reading this to not grasp the extent of how emotional I was. There were so many emotions present many I could easily identify with and some new ones.
As a matter of fact, it came in waves one moment I was fine the next I wanted to wreck the principal’s office. How in the hell did my son get caught up in a situation like this one and why, just kept going in and out of my subconscious.
“There are only two people in this room right now who know why I am so angry, why this is so close to my heart the reason behind my emotion and that is my son and myself. You see because history will continue to repeat itself if we fail to learn from the past.”
As I sit down I observe the faces in the room, I notice they are in return trying to read me. All I can do is listen. I listen to how the other night my son and his friends were playing on the x-box as they normally do. They play together through headset and internet connection and they join this group which they made where they will play games together from Minecraft to Call of Duty. That’s right I said Call of Duty because it is a game. Games kids play all over the world not just in the US but globally while listening to rap music the same rap music that other kids listen to all over the same world they play Call of Duty. However, only in America do kids bring guns to school. Only in America are mass shootings in school a recurring atrocity and only in America do lawmakers defend an outdated bill that not only is irrevocably unjustified but it is destroying the very fiber which this country is built upon.
In order to protect those involved, I am going to tell the story rather quickly. How and why the threat was made and how the school was alerted to the threat.
On this particular evening, the boys were playing x-box and one of the boys suggested inviting the child who made the threat to play with them. On the screen, it shows which kids are currently playing the game by their gaming name which appears also on the screen. After he was asked he did join in on the game and at some point during the evening they got rowdy and started busting chops. Some things were said and it went too far and this child’s feelings were hurt. According to the boys, the child made numerous comments about his home, family, and his mother. He expressed how they were mean to him and how he “hated them.” Some boys asked questions another was joking and the child then said, “I am going to get a real gun and shoot you and the school up.” Apparently, the boys at that time felt it went too far and expressed there was no need to get this mad.
The authorities continued to question my son and he answered everything best to his knowledge. When they were finished I who have not said one word which is completely out of character, I am just looking at my son.
I slowly notice a dozen eyes looking at me. Now, I have already figured out what really happened and how this went significantly wrong. During the time they questioned my son I already brought up this child’s entire social media accounts because it is my right as a parent to see what I am dealing with. Also, to get a better understanding of why this child would say such a terrible threat. Going through his accounts there are signs and not little ones but big giant neon signs that this child has some issues going on. He is talking about gun violence, glorifying it, he mentions another incident years before in elementary school where he made a threat to a bus driver.
I hear someone ask me if I have any questions. I have a few to start with yes I most certainly do. I lean into my son and as I begin to speak, I notice the expressions of those in the room. They are intense, bewildered as to what is actually going to be my reaction. I say to my son, “name everyone you were playing with that night” and he does. I say. “I have never heard you speak of this boy are you, friends, with him?” My son, “no not really.” Me, “who in this group of boys is friends with him?” My son, “well I guess no one really we see him in school and he jokes around with us more so, name withheld.” So you and the boys who have never played with him on the playground, after school, a boy I do not know and you have never mentioned to me nor have played x-box with before, that night he was asked to join this game. I didn’t ask him, states my son. I ask firmly, “Then who did”? My son reveals a name. I turn and look at everyone and I say “Well there’s your smoking gun”.
This very incident happens all the time. This is preventable by proactively responding to children who have shown signs of distress with behavior intervention and threat assessment. All mass school shooters have told someone of their plans before they do it and so did this child. Two students overheard the child telling someone else and reported it to the vice-principal. When students report what they hear right away regardless if the child will actually go through with their threat it doesn’t matter the risk outweighs the what-ifs. This could have easily been a worst-case scenario but because of quick-thinking students, it was debunked, addressed, and handled accordingly.
By handled accordingly is this. What happens to a child who makes a threat to bring a gun to school and carry out a mass shooting is very serious. There is a very specific protocol the authorities take. This is called the Threat Assessment Model and the AFT and NEA believe every school needs a proactive plan for the way they address such incidents. The child is “red-flagged” by Homeland Security and is watched until they are 18 years old and or in school. The parents are to turn over all electronic devices the child has access to to the authorities. They then bring the computers, phones, and x-box to D.C. where they will be combed through by the FBI. After Homeland Security enters the child’s name into a database along with all IP addresses the child then goes through his own interrogation and then counseling with their family. For the rest of his life while attending school that red flag will follow him along with being watched by government officials in the FBI and Homeland Security.
I then turn to the room and I address everyone, I say, last year on Valentine’s day I received a hysterical call from my sister. How does one explain the horror of not knowing where your two daughters are and you just received word there is an active shooter at the high school the one next to my niece’s catholic school, the one they both always go over to after school and meet up with some friends. My sister moved to Park Land Florida a couple of years before because my brother n laws company is based there. Forty minutes listening, helpless to my sister’s hysterical, crying, screaming sounds I have never heard utter from her.
On that particular day, they decided to get pizza and as they walked to the pizza parlor Nikolas Cruz walked past them and into the Douglas High School shooting and murdering 17 people and injuring 17 more. Including the next-door neighbor’s son, my niece’s best friend’s brother. As I tell the story to the room of adults I feel their sadness the empathy for those who were affected by this horrific crime. I see their relief in their quick response they stopped the unthinkable. Most importantly they see my pain as a parent.
A personal message by the author
The second single place besides their home children should feel protected is their school. This is where they learn, are taught to respect one another, and where children laugh with friends. As so many emotions do flow through me it is important to make sure we do not forget those who had dreams, hopes, and families.
For Robb, Oxford, Santa Fe, M. S. Douglas, Umpqua, Sandy Hook, Marysville, U of C, Oikos, N. Illinois University, Virginia Tech, W. Nickel Mine Amish School, Red Lake, and Columbine let there be a story like this one the one at Lakeside. I would like to take this moment to remember the 169 lives lost and the only way to honor their sacrifice is to change the very laws that failed them.